Hostess With the Mostest

My mom throws good parties but I did not inherit her same skill or enthusiasm. I like the cooking and eating part of special occasions, but I see no point in decorating or even working too hard to make sure the silverware matches. I only really make an effort for the Big Three Holidays: Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving. My mom, on the other hand, has decorations and traditions for every holiday. When I was a kid, she made special pancakes almost every month: heart-shaped in February, green in March, and for April Fool’s Day, she made some with paper towels hidden inside. And don’t get me started on her Halloween bashes!

My mom even threw a MASH farewell party for the final episode of our family’s favorite TV show.


I’m not as motivated or energetic as she is, and I often just don’t see the point. But then I got to thinking that maybe I was missing out on something meaningful. Probably not, but maybe! So I decided to throw a party for something I usually don’t care about at all – The Academy Awards.

Did it matter that I can’t remember the last time I watched the Oscars? Or that we don’t even have television service to watch them? No! Was I going to let the fact that I had only seen one of the nominated films stop me from watching strangers (the actors in those films) give speeches? No! Do I care about designer dresses or celebrity couples? Not a bit! So obviously, throwing an Oscars party was a logical first step for me.

I decided to approach the awards ceremony the same way I do most book clubs. I rarely read the book ahead of time. Instead, I listen to the discussion and decide from the other readers whether it’s really worth it. Then I wait a few years to read it until I’ve forgotten all the spoilers. It’s worked well with books, so I decided to try it with these new movies.

I went all out ($15) with the decorations.

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We dressed in our fanciest duds.



He learned how to tie a real bow tie for the occasion.


Okay, we didn’t all get fancy.


Inspired by Twenty One Pilots. I’m so sorry you had to see this.

And I became uncharacteristically punny with the food.

It was an amazing party, if I do say so myself. And what, you may wonder, were my thoughts on the Oscars? The dresses? The big surprise ending? Well, it turns out that when I saw we could stream it live on the website or with the app, I didn’t read the fine print, which basically said that no, we couldn’t actually stream it on either. (Ha! That was a good practical joke, abc! You got me!)

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The finest crystal, courtesy of Dollar Tree

But did we let that ruin our fun? Not in the least. We decided instead to cuddle up and watch one of the films nominated for Best Animated Picture, (Kubo and the Two Strings) and we all agreed it was much more fun than if I had actually been successful at the whole purpose of the party.


Of course, we didn’t let our failure to watch stop us from accepting the award for Best Oscars Party Ever. In fact, it was such a good party, I don’t think it’s even worth trying to top it. I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead. After all, the first rule of show business is to leave them wanting more, right?



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