Put a Pin In It: The Root of the Problem

I love eating vegetables, especially when prepared well, but I’ve noticed that there are certain sections of the produce department that I just walk right past without even looking. Since I’ve been trying to expand my vegetable repertoire, and because we’re going to be deciding what to plant in our new, bigger garden, I thought I should try all those vegetables I’ve never cooked before. You know, all the vegetables from that book I used to read to my kids.

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I thought it was worth a try, just in case I find something I love as much as sweet potatoes. I’ve never found a sweet potato recipe I didn’t like, but I never really liked them until recently. If I could be converted so fully to yams, who knows what else is out there for me to love?

Maybe I should have spaced these out over several meals, but I had a deadline. That’s why, for dinner tonight, my family was served an assortment of roasted veggies and Red Lobster biscuits. They love the biscuits so much, I knew they couldn’t possibly revolt if everything else turned out to be awful.

Spaghetti Squash

I like most squashes (is that the plural for squash?), but for some reason, spaghetti squash seemed too complicated to try. That turned out to be a silly assumption, because it was easy peasy. I’m not sure I’m in love with the recipe I tried for Cheesy Garlic Parmesan Spinach Spaghetti Squash (try saying that with a lisp), but I do think I’ll try growing my own squash this year. Any suggestions for other recipes are appreciated.

Parsnips

Parsnips look a lot like pale, sickly carrots. Since I like carrots, I thought parsnips would be an easy transition. I chose to make Honey Roasted Parsnips because I prefer my cooked carrots with a sweet glaze. Unfortunately, there was a bitter aftertaste that I just couldn’t enjoy. My husband likes them a lot, but he also likes gross stinky olives, so take that into consideration.

Turnips

Maybe if I had known ahead of time that turnips are bitter, I would have chosen a recipe that didn’t include balsamic vinegar. Lesson learned, since my experience with this recipe was not a positive one. My husband didn’t like it either.

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I’ve noticed that a lot of recipes compare their weird vegetable to potatoes. Kind of a “tastes like chicken” for root vegetables. I had high hopes for this one, since I love my recipe for maple syrup roasted sweet potatoes, but I just couldn’t get past the bitter aftertaste. My husband (big surprise) liked it.

Radishes

I can’t stand raw radishes so I thought I’d see if I like them better cooked. I tried this recipe for Crispy Roasted Radishes, and although they weren’t really crispy, I did enjoy them much more than my previous radish experiences. Fritz was hesitant to try them, insisting that radishes are too spicy, but even he had to admit that they were pretty mild. Even our dog likes them.

Rhubarb

Okay, this isn’t really my first time eating or making rhubarb, but apparently my husband doesn’t hate it as much as I thought he did when we were first married, and apparently our rhubarb plant is exploding, and I really needed something coated in sugar and topped with whipped cream for dessert, so I made this Strawberry Rhubarb Crumb Bars. It’s not even cheating, because rhubarb is a vegetable. And it was delightful.

Now, if any of you have suggestions for how to cook eggplant and artichokes so that I finally like them, I need all the help I can get!

 

Not All Who Wander

I once asked a friend what she did to get such great looking legs. (It was not as smarmy as it sounds now, although I may or may not have used the word “gams”.) She insisted that hiking was her only form of exercise, which surprised me. I always thought of hiking as something too enjoyable to be considered real exercise. Could it be true that I could get in shape by doing something I actually like? I decided to give it a try this week.

Although I live minutes away from many possible hiking trails, I’m embarrassed to say that I tend to stick with what I know and avoid any unfamiliar path where I could get lost or, even worse, encounter any deer. Every summer, I make big plans to take my kids on weekly hikes, but somehow it never happens. I decided to use this week to not only put some variety into my exercise plan, but also to try out some possible places to take the boys. A few of the hikes even had the added bonus of getting to spend time with my husband.

We started by “Hiking the Y”, my first time. I know it’s a rite of passage for BYU students, but since I wasn’t one, I haven’t particularly felt the urge to hike it until now. It’s pretty much straight up a mountain – we had to stop to catch our breath a few times. It only took about an hour, and the weather and view were lovely.

I appreciated the signs posted at each switchback urging us to keep going, like little cheerleaders. Our favorite part of the hike was right at the end as we passed a little boy, maybe four or five, and what I assume was his grandfather. They were reading the current elevation on the first sign when the boy said in the tiniest, cutest voice: “My pwediction was five feet off.”

The next evening, we took advantage of the fact that we were in Salt Lake and my husband introduced me to the Bonneville Shoreline Trail near Red Butte Garden. With only one hour until sunset, we weren’t the only ones trying to get a quick hike (or bike, or dog walk) in before dark. It was a busy place, but I can see why.

If the weather had been more cooperative, I would have tried more hikes closer to home. I did dare to try a longer one, close to my mother-in-law’s home near St. George, with just my son Grub. Our destination was “Elephant Arch,” in the beautiful Red Cliffs Desert Reserve.   When I’m out in the desert, I tend to worry about things like snakes, scorpions, and dehydration. Luckily, Grub is pretty much Dwight Schrute when it comes to knowledge of what to do in a disaster. I knew that if anyone in my family could help me survive a snake bite out in the wild, it would be Grub.

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Our goal was to find Elephant Arch with a few vague instructions and the promise of signs along the way to guide us. We found our way to Bone Wash easily enough, then were told to follow the wash until the signs pointed us towards Elephant Arch. Sounded pretty simple.

We were lucky enough to hike not long after a rainstorm when the color of the sage was an unreal sort of green. The rain also made the sand a little less annoying to wade through. (I still had to stop half a dozen times to empty my shoes because they were filled to capacity.) The red rocks were amazing, and at certain points, I felt like I was in The Flintstones.

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We kept walking until we reached a dead end – no way around or through or over. That’s when we realized we probably missed the sign for the turnoff.

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I’m kind of glad we followed the whole wash, though, because we got to see lots of good stuff we would have otherwise missed.

Walking back, we looked to see where we went wrong. We saw a few possible spots it could have been, but none seemed right.

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But then we found the spot. It was so obvious, I couldn’t believe we had missed it the first time around. Turns out we had been so distracted by our delicious snack from Trader Joe’s, we walked right past it. But can you blame us? They were really good.

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Once we found the turnoff, it wasn’t long before we reached our destination. Somehow, even though Grub told me it was right behind me, I still couldn’t manage to see the arch. Duh.

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Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t hike by myself. I would have been so lost without Grub.

During our three hours together, I realized that Grub is a good hiking buddy, not just because he’s willing and doesn’t whine. It’s also because he has so many things to talk about, from random trivia to deep thoughts, we never ran out of things to discuss. It really helped the time pass quickly. When we finally got back to cell range, my husband called to check on us. I told him about how we missed the turnoff because we were distracted by Scandinavian Swimmers and he was very confused.

I know you’re dying to know about my legs, so I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. Although I enjoyed each of my hikes very much, I did not see much progress in my weight loss goals this week. Back to the boring gym machines, I guess. The good news is, I can find my way up the stairs and to the elliptical machines without getting lost at all.

Feel the Burn

It’s April again, my recovery month. The month I do fun stuff or heavy stuff – whatever I want. This April, since I’m so close to my second nap and have stayed disciplined (bordering on obsessed) for almost three full weeks, I’m only choosing blog challenges that will help me in my quest to shed the weight of the world I’ve been carrying for a while now. I can’t have anything distract me from my goals because I am easily distracted, especially by food and naps. For one month, this will become my own personal Health and Fitness blog. You have been warned.

This week, I noticed that I’m already getting bored with the same old workouts. I felt the need to expand my horizons, to turn to the wisdom of the past.

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I searched for inspiration in the previous century, specifically the 1980s and 90s. And like any true seeker of truth, I looked to YouTube as my guide.

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You know all those crazy workout videos people share on Facebook? I started to think maybe it was unfair for people to judge solely based on select clips. Maybe there really was some value in giving each workout an honest chance to prove itself. I did it with Prancercize, so why not see what else I could discover?

BODYFLEX

This was not my first time with this particular technique. My sister did these exercises daily in the 90s, and sometimes I joined her. She still swears by it for tightening up double chins. I can remember several times being upstairs and panicking when I heard the “PAAAH” breathing, thinking someone was dying down in the basement. My sister has one of the most powerful “PAAAH”s you’ll ever hear. I gave one of the other Bodyflex videos a try, and was reminded of that song from my kids’ Elmocize video – “Workout in a Chair”, except with less actual workout involved.

Although I really enjoyed making my very best lion face, I’m not sure I got a lot out of this workout. It probably won’t make it into my regular rotation.

DANCE! WORKOUT WITH BARBIE

This one was really weird. I can’t decide if I was more bothered by the length of Barbie’s thighs or the frighteningly perky workout instructor.

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Jennifer Love Hewitt fans will enjoy watching her in the video, but the dance moves are so fast and jerky, I had trouble keeping up. I also did not appreciate the reminder that I never could, and apparently still cannot, do the Roger Rabbit (renamed in this video: “Attitude”) or the Running Man (“Jammin’ Jogger”). Thanks for making me feel self-conscious of my actual human-like body proportions and my inability to do 90s dance moves, Barbie. I just don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

ZUIIKIN’ ENGLISH

This series of workout videos appears to be meant for Japanese businessmen to learn English while getting a little bit of exercise during the workday. Each exercise repeats a phrase in English several times, covering such topics as what to say in a business meeting, a golf game, a doctor’s office, getting around town, asking someone on a date, or what to do if you are robbed by two men.

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The workouts are focused mainly on the arms, and after 30 minutes, I was feeling it. I also noticed an improvement in my business English. The moves sometimes seemed awkward to me, but I’m sure with practice, I could master them. I also think that, with a little bit of work, someday I could sound like I know something about golf.

SWEATIN’ TO THE OLDIES

After growing up during Richard Simmons’ heyday and watching so many Sweatin’ to the Oldies commercials as a child, I was really looking forward to the chance to try it for real. Unfortunately, these seem to be targeted to those who need an extremely low impact workout. I felt like I got more exercise sitting in the chair than I did with these dances.

LET’S JAZZERCISE

This video is led by Jazzercise’s founder, Judi Sheppard Missett, who is quite a character. When I first saw clips of this video on Facebook, I watched it without sound. At first glance, Judi reminded me a lot of my mom in the 80s – similar hairstyle, tan, and body type. But once I turned the sound on, I realized that’s where the similarity ended, mainly because my mom is not crazy.

As I did this workout, I tried to pin down just who she reminded me of. Her speaking voice sounds like Doris Day, but her personality reminds me more of Carol Burnett’s Miss Hannigan character. Her tendency to speak the lyrics of each song reminded me a bit of William Shatner, but when I woke up the next morning, I realized she reminded me more of the cute old man at a nearby Alzheimer’s residential home. He also likes to break into song or quote song lyrics in their entirety, but when he does it, it’s endearing because he’s old and sweet and has Alzheimer’s. It’s not quite as cute when Judi does it.

I could maybe overlook her quirks if the workout was effective (much as I do Jillian Michaels and Tony Horton), but I woke up with several pulled muscles. Not just sore, but pulled. Days later, they still hurt. I think I’ll steer clear of those moves in the future.

CHER FITNESS: A NEW ATTITUDE

Out of all the workouts I tried this week, this was the only one that felt like actual exercise. In the introduction, Cher is pretty clear about the fact that fitness is not her profession and that she takes all her cues from the professionals. Much like the Barbie video, the workout is led by another, with Cher interjecting now and then with little quips and jokes. At one point, she cuts the instructor off mid-sentence when one of her songs comes on: “Oh wait, don’t talk now. I want to hear this song. I love this song.”

The amazing outfits in this workout let you turn back time (see what I did there) and be grateful for how far fashion has come since 1991.

Although the YouTube exercises were a nice way to break up the monotony, I’m pretty sure they’re not going to help me achieve my goals. They did, however convince me to give leg warmers and sweatbands another chance. They also reminded me that, no matter where you are on the fitness spectrum, you can always start somewhere. There’s something for everyone.

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

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You are not going to believe this, but I actually went a week and a half without taking a nap. Me! A week! And a Half! Without a nap! This is unprecedented. Never in my life have I gone so long without a nap. Ever. And it all began when I decided, after months of suspecting I should get back to exercising and stop rage-eating, I stepped on the scale. Talk about unprecedented – I gasped out loud when I saw a number I have never seen and never thought I would see (aside from pregnancy).

I know it shouldn’t matter, that I’m more than just numbers on the scale, but it did matter to me. It was unacceptable. Something had to be done immediately. Extreme measures had to be taken. None of my half-hearted attempts to bribe or trick myself into getting back into shape had worked, so I had to pull out the big guns: No naps until I lost five pounds (the first five of many).

Apparently I value naps over all other rewards or punishments, because I immediately got serious about shedding my election weight (and my two-years-leading-up-to-the-election weight, while I was at it.) I tracked my calories and worked out as if my nap depended on it, and I was able to lose those five pounds twice as fast as I ever have before. I got to take a lovely nap yesterday, and have gone right back to focusing on taking the next five pounds off so I can have another nap soon.

One thing I learned by not napping is that I had to change some of my patterns. I could no longer read anything in my bed or I’d start to feel droopy, so I had to sit upright at the kitchen table. It felt kind of cold and distant, but it worked. I didn’t fall asleep.

I also noticed how many leftover projects I can get done when I need something to distract me from my sleepiness. One afternoon, I spent a few hours working on a project for my piano studio that I’d been meaning to get around to for a while. I was so pleased that I finally got around to it, I said to one of my students, “Remember how I was going to type up that guide sheet for last year’s Scale Olympics?” And he said dryly, “Actually, you’ve said that for the last four years.” Sassy answer, but it just goes to show how much I can get done if I force myself to stay awake.

The problem with not taking naps is that I could not make myself stay up later than 9:30 each night. My husband’s a night owl, so usually 10 p.m. until midnight is the best time to hang out with him. I feel like I never see him anymore now that I pass out before my kids do.

I’d like to say that my time without naps convinced me to give them up for good in the future. Luckily for my weight loss goals, I still very much need them and will do whatever it takes to get my next one. After all, that’s what I do. It’s what I live for.

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

My husband teaches at a University that has no Spring Break. Can you believe that? Every year, the kids and I find something to do (usually around town or visiting grandparents) without him, which is sad because he’s the fun one. We all know he’s the fun one. 

This year, by some miracle, he had an actual Spring Break – ONE WHOLE DAY OFF – which coincided with a day off of school for our kids. Since this was such a rare opportunity, we decided to make the most of it. We had some things preventing us from going on an actual vacation so I planned a family fake-cation instead.

I don’t usually exert myself to make something cutesy and centered around a theme, but we wanted to make this short break memorable. You may wonder how a fake-cation is different from the already existing “staycation”. Maybe it isn’t.

We’ve done a really great staycation in the past, using the cool Salt Lake Connect Pass. We stayed at home but visited lots of great tourist spots within an hour of our home. It turned out to be one of our favorite vacations.

For our fake-cation (or “fakay”, as Fritz started calling it), we still stayed at home and visited attractions near our home, but we pretended we were on an actual vacation. Our house became an Airbnb, our van became a shuttle, and the rec center pool we visit all the time became a hotel pool (which we all know is so much more fun than other pools). When we visited a town right next to ours, our kids pretended to have trouble getting the pronunciation just right:“Santaquin? Santaquin?”

When the boys got home from school on Thursday, I handed them each an itinerary. Fritz thought it was so cool he asked if he could take it to school on Monday to show his class. Any time we discussed straying from the itinerary in any way, he stubbornly insisted that we follow the plan. It was a change from our usual way of doing things to stick to a schedule, but we found we were pretty good at it. Here’s the itinerary:

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And here we are enacting the itinerary, first by making Fruit Sushi in our cooking class (very sweet but quite tasty):

Playing games,

Inhaling Waffle Luv for breakfast,

Hiking Rock Canyon,

Swimming (my husband and I even swam laps, if you can believe it),

Enjoying J Dawgs for lunch,

Making our own soap at The Soap Factory (a first for us – lots of fun!)

Going to the movies together-ish. They saw Lego Batman while I watched Beauty and the Beast all by myself. We were all satisfied with our decisions. Plus, I saw Belle in real life!

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Dining at Galilee Grill (our new favorite, thanks to our neighbors for introducing us),

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And getting our Broadway on with Frank Wildhorn and Friends.

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The next day, we stayed closer to home. We had breakfast at Santaquin’s haunted Family Tree Diner (as seen on TV), home of French bread loaf-sized scones,

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We went to the temple with Grub,

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And we ended the party at The Best Taco Truck In Town (they really are the best, as advertised). Thanks to the same neighbors for recommending this place as well!

It may look like we spent a lot of our fake-cation eating out, but isn’t that what you do when you’re on a real vacation? And with what we saved by staying at our own personal Airbnb, it only seemed right.

I originally thought the boys would roll their eyes at the weekend’s plan so I was surprised every time I heard them say, “Ok, what’s next? Where’s the itinerary?” I guess a few minutes of planning doesn’t hurt. And I’m pretty sure this fake-cation was a success, for real.

What a Wonderful World

It’s March, the month of a million concerts. It’s the month when I don’t have time to do laundry but I have to do laundry because if I don’t do laundry, we’ll run out of black clothes. It’s the month when other kids’ parents bring flowers or take them out for ice cream after a performance but when our kids ask for a reward, we just laugh and tell them to hurry and take off their pants so we can wash them for the next performance. So no, I didn’t have time to try something from my list of things I hate this week.

I’ve written before about how much I love BYU’s Off the Map Festival, so if you didn’t listen to me the first four or five times I urged you to check it out, you really only have yourself to blame for missing the play Every Brilliant Thing. Although it deals with the serious subjects of depression and suicide, the play is warm and light-hearted. It’s the story of a boy who responds to his mother’s suicide attempt by compiling for her a list of “Brilliant Things”. Although he’s not sure it makes any difference to his mother, the list of everyday pleasures becomes something he returns to throughout his life, adding to it until it reaches thousands, and then a million items.

It was a lovely play, and I left the theater wanting to make my own list of Brilliant Things some day. Since I’ve been complaining about a lot of things lately, and because I’m in the middle of March Music Madness, now seems like an awfully good time to get to it. You might notice that I mention food a lot, but I promise I was actually showing great restraint in that department.

 

BRILLIANT THINGS

Pink Lady apples

Fleece sheets

Songs in a quick ¾

Grey Sweaters

Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting

Wearing earrings and remembering where I was when I bought them

The tactile pleasure of feeling the curving indent at the end of my turn signal lever every time I turn

Beating my best time on Sudoku

Modern medicine

Health insurance

Popping my son’s toes

Popping my back

Finding and eradicating the source of a mysterious odor in the house

Kids in hammocks

New Yorker cartoons

Watching toddlers concentrate as they try to balance puppets on their heads

Ella Fitzgerald’s Christmas albums

Our local Taco Truck

Metronome charts

Post-it note graph paper for metronome charts

Lemon bars

Silicone grabbers for pulling quilting needles out

Naps

Mr. Clean Magic Erasers

Mint chocolate chip ice cream where the chips are really just flakes of chocolate that melt on your tongue

The memory of my fit grandpa holding on to a tree and pulling himself up to a perpendicular position while in his 70s

The memory of my grandma making me a strawberry milkshake for dinner

White mountains framed by a bright blue sky

Vegetable Samosas

Fake mustaches

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Elephant and Piggie books

The smell of sunscreen

The sound of Fritz’s giggle as he wears headphones and watches The Muppet Show on road trips

The way the dimples on my knees look like faces and I can make them “talk”

Mercy Watson books

My Hello Kitty Snuggie

Getting too competitive during a card game

The feeling of fresh-from-the-dentist-clean teeth

Red pepper jelly

Jon Klassen books

Chicken kebab pita from Aladdin’s on the Erie Canal

Head massager (for the first thirteen seconds)

My mom’s flower pots

My dad’s seer sucker suit

The way a baby arches his back when he stretches

Tetris and Tetris dreams

The kind of quiet that only happens after it snows

Stickers

Listening to my husband “ungrouch” our kids

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A precisely loaded dishwasher

Squeeze’s “Tempted”

Perfecting my Utah accent

Sticky rice with mangoes

The smell of tomato plants

Remembering the way my boys used to dance to the Newsies soundtrack

No-bake cookies the second day

Never losing the ability to French braid my own hair

Never losing my muscle memory to succeed at Super Mario Bros.

Cashews

The smell of rosemary

A root beer freeze

BBC Dramas

Korean Dramas

The pair of matching freckles on my husband’s lower eyelids

The feeling of completing a workout you totally didn’t want to start

The smell of bread baking

The happy buzz in my brain after eating Indian food

Quoting Strictly Ballroom and A Room With a View in their entirety with friends

The way making raspberry trifle makes anything feel like a special occasion

The dress I bought in Mexico and wore constantly in college and still can’t bring myself to throw out, even if it was obviously made for someone shorter and wider

Homemade breadsticks

Dancing like Ed Grimley

Cinnamon toast

Having a pile of “to-read” books waiting for me

Real butter

The first bite of a stick of gum

Introducing a new group of toddlers to the “Sticky Bubblegum” song

Our “Compliments” session at the beginning of Family Night each Monday night

Impromptu dance scenes in otherwise non-dancing movies

Face swaps

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Oh’s Cereal

Finding a friend who’s just the right balance of weird and nice

My kids finding a friend who’s just the right balance of weird and nice

Fresh squeezed orange or apple juice

Playing and singing old Gershwin and Cole Porter songs by myself 

Coupons

Pulling a weed out without breaking off any of the roots

Peaches and cream

The rare moment when I get the choreography right in Zumba class

A well-crafted candy gram message

The extremely warm temperature in rest homes

Sons who cook for me

My family’s Christmas Eve “Sleigh Ride” performance

The moment when my family finds out the pancakes I made are not just regular pancakes but actually my much-loved lemon sour cream pancakes

Advil

Walking into the bedroom each morning to see the bed freshly made by my husband

Checking off all the boxes on my to-do list

Ignoring all the boxes on my to-do list

Cadbury mini eggs

Buying ugly prescription glasses just for fun because they’re only $8

Nailing a performance

Messing up in a performance without anyone noticing

Waffle Luv waffles

Clearance racks

Watching my kids play drums

Karaoke singing with family

Going to Relief Society and feeling connected to women 20 years younger and 20 years older than I am

When a song comes on and everyone in the car knows all the words and sings loudly with all the same inflections

A warm, sunny day melting all the snow from the storm three days earlier

Cool High Fives

 

You can see how this list could become a lifelong project. Since I started thinking about all the brilliant things there are in the world, I found myself adding to the list in my head everywhere I went this week. I realize it’s pretty much the opposite of my blog List, and maybe that’s why it’s such a refreshing change of pace. I’m getting so tired of being told the world is a scary place. I enjoyed being able to step back and remind myself that the world is as lovely as I decide to believe it is. Feel free to add to my list or to start your own.  

Hostess With the Mostest

My mom throws good parties but I did not inherit her same skill or enthusiasm. I like the cooking and eating part of special occasions, but I see no point in decorating or even working too hard to make sure the silverware matches. I only really make an effort for the Big Three Holidays: Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving. My mom, on the other hand, has decorations and traditions for every holiday. When I was a kid, she made special pancakes almost every month: heart-shaped in February, green in March, and for April Fool’s Day, she made some with paper towels hidden inside. And don’t get me started on her Halloween bashes!

My mom even threw a MASH farewell party for the final episode of our family’s favorite TV show.

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I’m not as motivated or energetic as she is, and I often just don’t see the point. But then I got to thinking that maybe I was missing out on something meaningful. Probably not, but maybe! So I decided to throw a party for something I usually don’t care about at all – The Academy Awards.

Did it matter that I can’t remember the last time I watched the Oscars? Or that we don’t even have television service to watch them? No! Was I going to let the fact that I had only seen one of the nominated films stop me from watching strangers (the actors in those films) give speeches? No! Do I care about designer dresses or celebrity couples? Not a bit! So obviously, throwing an Oscars party was a logical first step for me.

I decided to approach the awards ceremony the same way I do most book clubs. I rarely read the book ahead of time. Instead, I listen to the discussion and decide from the other readers whether it’s really worth it. Then I wait a few years to read it until I’ve forgotten all the spoilers. It’s worked well with books, so I decided to try it with these new movies.

I went all out ($15) with the decorations.

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We dressed in our fanciest duds.

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He learned how to tie a real bow tie for the occasion.

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Okay, we didn’t all get fancy.

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Inspired by Twenty One Pilots. I’m so sorry you had to see this.

And I became uncharacteristically punny with the food.

It was an amazing party, if I do say so myself. And what, you may wonder, were my thoughts on the Oscars? The dresses? The big surprise ending? Well, it turns out that when I saw we could stream it live on the website or with the app, I didn’t read the fine print, which basically said that no, we couldn’t actually stream it on either. (Ha! That was a good practical joke, abc! You got me!)

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The finest crystal, courtesy of Dollar Tree

But did we let that ruin our fun? Not in the least. We decided instead to cuddle up and watch one of the films nominated for Best Animated Picture, (Kubo and the Two Strings) and we all agreed it was much more fun than if I had actually been successful at the whole purpose of the party.

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Of course, we didn’t let our failure to watch stop us from accepting the award for Best Oscars Party Ever. In fact, it was such a good party, I don’t think it’s even worth trying to top it. I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead. After all, the first rule of show business is to leave them wanting more, right?